The Schizophrenic Nature of MS

Every day is an adventure. Some days I wake up and feel like I can run a marathon. Well, not really! But I walk well and fairly far, my balance is good, my right hand is is able to perform easy tasks, and my energy level is good.  

Today I had to take back a gift and exchange it for something else. So I had to go to a department store. And as you know, there is usually a lot of walking in a department store. And today is not a good day.  I took my cane to the department store, and felt like I needed to stop and rest every 5 steps or so. Everything was falling out of my hands, and I could barely write my name on the receipt.    On bad days like this, hand stays in a fist instead of being able to straighten all my fingers easily. Now that I’m back home, I feel like I need to hibernate for the winter.

Driving is also a very big challenge when I’m having a hard day. I can barely lift my foot and leg up so that I can move from the accelerator to the brake and back again. I have to use my arm to help lift up my leg.  If there’s little traffic, I’m OK. But if there’s a lot of traffic, it could be dangerous for me to be on the road.

As I have noted in my book, Fearless, I rely daily, and sometimes minute by minute, on God’s promises.  He says that perfect love drives out fear. And his love for me is perfect. So if I keep looking to Him, and not myself or the current situations, I won’t wallow in fear and depression.  It is only because of His love for me, that I’m able to find victory in spite of my circumstances.  His promises help me to keep going and not give up.  His perfect love drives out my fear!



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